Friday, March 13, 2009

Happy Friday The 13th!

It's Friday the 13th and as a public service I have compiled a list of suggestions that I feel will keep you safe from harm...

Survival Tip #1: If you see a black cat, shoot it.
Better to be safe than sorry.

Survival Tip #2: Use up all your bad luck early.
You can only have so much bad luck in a single day, so just start trying to use your whole quota of it by lunch. Tempt fate through such activities as cleaning your toaster with a fork, picking a fight with a gorilla or cleaning your ears with a nail gun.

Survival Tip #3: Don't talk about Fight Club.
Even if you are a beautiful and unique snowflake, just don't.

Survival Tip #4: Don't let the Jehovah's Witnesses in.
Sure, three hundred and sixty four days out of the year they seem like nice folks who just want to share their crackpot religious dogma and a cup of Kool-Aid with you...but each year on Friday the 13th, they fatten their ranks by kidnapping people and forcing them to watch Veggie Tales until they convert.

Survival Tip #5: Refuse to recognize that it's Friday the 13th.
In many skyscrapers, superstitious builders make the floors jump from twelve to fourteen to avoid the unlucky thirteenth floor. As soon as you wake up today, say, "Wow, what a lovely day March 14th is!

Survival Tip #6: Leave the Earth by close of business April 13, 2029.
Be gone before the Near-Earth asteroid 99942 Apophis smashes into our planet and destroys the world as we know it.

Now you've got to ask yourself one question:

"Am I feeling superstitious?"


Anonymous fidelio said...

Happy Friday the 13th!

Here's another survival tip: Stay away from badly serviced camp-sites where seven foot tall psychopaths wearing hockey masks carry large machetes and a bit of a grudge.

13/3/09 10:22  
Anonymous popomatic Jeff said...

Phew! Boy am I glad I read your blog BEFORE those Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door.

13/3/09 13:18  
Anonymous Bougie Applebum said...

ROFL. Now that was funny.

13/3/09 21:24  
Anonymous Sharp As A Marble said...

Those pesky Jehovah's Witnesses don't come around my house anymore ever since I set the last groups heads on stakes on the front lawn they seem to no longer wish to save my soul.

13/3/09 22:09  
Blogger Suburbia Steph said...

No! You can't shoot black cats! They're actually GOOD luck!

Ha - Jehovah's Witnesses ~ somehow I doubt they're into Veggie Tales, being that they don't recognize holidays, etc....any religion Prince is a part of = total freakdom!

:) Hey - we've had TWO Friday 13th's so far this wonder '09 is going so well for me so far!

14/3/09 08:56  
Blogger Zainad said...

I don't know I have never seen anything going realllllly wrong on Fridays falling on a 13th.

But somehow at the back of our mind there is some sort of fear that is there.

15/3/09 02:01  
Blogger Season said...

It sure got my poor mom this time, didn't it? I've always had pretty good luck, but it's kind of funny I got a flat tire. I still like to think Friday the 13th is lucky and not bad.

15/3/09 17:37  
Anonymous Sharp As A Marble said...

Happy Friday the 13th!

27/3/09 09:57  

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