Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Conspiracy Theory

I was scouring through the house for batteries to put into one of our ten remote controls and I came across my solar calculator.

It occurred to me that:

You can buy one solar calculator and it should last you your entire life.

Why would you ever need to buy a new one?

Math isn’t going to change and until the Earth is hit by an asteroid which throws enough dust into the atmosphere to block out the sun there is always going to be sunlight.

This raises two questions for me:

1. Who works on math equations in the dark?

2. Who is at the source of the conspiracy to prevent other household items from being solar powered?

I’ll tell you who – the battery companies.

The damn battery companies.


Anonymous Noelle said...

I think you hit the nail on the head. It begs the question: how did calculators escape the wrath of the powerful battery lobby?

1/4/08 13:26  
Anonymous fidelio said...

I remember Remote Control with Ken Ober and Colin Quinn!

I was the champ at "Dead or Canadian."

Back to your conspiracy theory though, I would be careful who I talked to about that. They are always watching and they keep going, and going, and going....

1/4/08 14:43  
Anonymous Sharp As A Marble said...

The Energizer Bunny's face came out looking a little like Joe Camel.

It does make me wonder why we don’t have more things that run off of solar power or at least use solar power to recharge the batteries things run off of.

1/4/08 16:17  
Blogger Lioux said...

This post reminds me of a elderly asian woman that worked in a chinese food restaurant not too far from where Company, Inc. was located.

She added up 'guest checks' and 'to go orders' on an ABACUS.

She was totally BAD ASS. For real.

I have never seen anyone use one with such dexterity.

1/4/08 22:55  
Blogger Jeff said...

Do they still make calculators?

2/4/08 09:20  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Noelle – I haven’t quite figured that one out, but I my thought is that solar calculators may actually be manufactured by a dummy corporation ran by the battery companies. They are implanted with a device that sends out subliminal messages so that even the staunchest advocate of solar power wants to buy as many batteries as possible.

Mason – You may have me at "Dead or Canadian", but I would wipe the floor with you on the "The Bon Jovi Network".

As for for the conspiracy theory I’ll watch my back.

SAAM – Yeah, I see the resemblance. Maybe the tobacco lobbyists have some kind of stake in this too.

You’ve got some good ideas too; perhaps you should watch your back as well.

Liuox – That is so bad ass! The sad thing is it made me remember that when I was in school, like in kindergarten or first grade, we were taught how to use an abacus. That makes me feel ancient.

Jeff – Have they gotten to you?

If you need help pick up an early edition of the New York Times and write the word "Edmund" in the upper right hand corner of the Metro section and drop it in front of Lioux’s apartment.

2/4/08 22:36  

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