Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A Question For The Ages...

It's a question we all ask ourselves at some point or another...

If I were driving cross-country and were forced to bring along a breakfast cereal mascot - which one would I bring?

This is a matter to be thought out carefully. All the aspects of the characters personality must be taken into consideration...

Tony The Tiger - He's irritatingly upbeat and loud. Constantly over using the word "Great" as a sentence enhancer. Also there is the whole he is a tiger and might decide to maul me thing.

Snap, Crackle & Pop - They would drive me crazy with their "He's touching me", "I need to go to the bathroom", and "Are we there yet" the whole way. Nope, I am not buying three car seats for that.

Sonny The Cuckoo Bird - No, he's mentally unstable. I'd have to monitor him the whole time making sure he's on his medication.

The Trix Rabbit - He's insatiably hungry all the time and you have to keep an eye on him around kids. No, he's a bad idea.

Sugar Bear - He seems pretty cool and mellow. He'd probably just get high, sleep a lot and not chip in for gas though.

Count Chocula - For being an undead ghoul he doesn't seem to crave blood like most vampires, so I should be safe with him. He could drive through the night while I slept, but his Romanian accent would get on my nerves after a while.

Franken Berry - He seems like a nice enough guy, but I don't think he would fit in my car. Plus he smells like strawberries and sweat.

Toucan Sam - That follow your nose catch phrase of his reeks of a bad cocaine addiction. I don't trust him at all.

My road trip companion would have to be:

Cap'n Crunch - Right off the bat he's got a quality that will come in useful on the trip. He's an excellent navigator. The Cap'n has been in the military since 1963, so you know he's got some good war stories.
Last, but certainly not least...things would never get soggy.

Who would you choose?


Anonymous fidelio said...

Cap'n Crunch does seem like the perfect cereal mascot to ride shotgun with you.

My drunk Irish ass will pick the lucky charms leprechaun though. We'll share some whiskey and sing "Danny Boy".

12/3/08 10:34  
Blogger Reverse_Vampyr said...

Your analysis is spot-on (and damn funny). I gotta agree with your choice.

Crunchatize me, Cap'n!

12/3/08 11:11  
Blogger Lioux said...

Damn It Fidelo!

I was going to say "Lucky" of Lucky Charms fame.

You'd know it'd be magically auspicious.

And being Irish and all...you know he'd like to party.

12/3/08 11:16  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Mason/Lioux - I won't argue with your choosing Lucky for his Irish heritage, but he just seem overly paranoid to me. Getting accused of being after his Lucky Charms every ten miles would get old fast.

RV - Thanks, man! Your welcome to come along with me and the Cap'n anytime.

12/3/08 11:29  
Blogger Heavy B said...

Because we are perpetually destitute, Jive and I are very fond of this generic cereal, Cinnamon Toasters, made by the good people over at the Malt-o-Meal company:


Anyway, the mascot is this cracked out looking blue kangaroo and his side kick "li'l oaty". We've been meaning to write to the stellar marketing department and applaud their creative punctuation, but anyway, I think me and li'l oaty would make a fine team.

12/3/08 11:34  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

I considered looking up some Malt-O-Meal mascots, but utimatley decided against them as they aren't as well known and I wouldn't be able to check out their various personality quirks.

Thanks for letting me know that at least one of the Malt-O-Meal characters are worth taking a ride with.

12/3/08 11:44  
Anonymous Sharp As A Marble said...

I'd take Wilford Brimley, the Quaker Oats guy. He counts right? It would be like taking a ride with my grandpa.

12/3/08 11:48  
Anonymous grim said...

That was very funny. You forgot about Boo Berry though. I think he might be a good roadtrip partner, albeit noncorporeal. He could tell you ghost stories the whole way.

12/3/08 16:44  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

SAAM - I would probably categorize Wilford Brimley as a spokesperson and not a mascot, but if he’s your choice that’s fine with me. He also does commercials for diabetes, which he has, so make sure to check his blood sugar and check it often.

Grim - Glad you had a laugh. Boo Berry kind of depresses me. He’s dead and his after life is endorsing a crappy breakfast cereal? He might go on and on about if only he wouldn't have stepped in front of that bus.

12/3/08 17:00  
Blogger Terry said...

I read all the pros amd cons of each mascot you provided, and whole heartedly agree with your choice of the Cap'n... But in reference to your retirement plans, I would think that Toucan Sam would be able to help out with your future needs of procuring some smack, and it always pays to have connections. Either that or you could always look up Dig Em, the frog from Sugar Smacks....:)

15/3/08 10:27  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Yes, Terry The Cap'n has got it going on.
My retirement plans aren’t set in stone, but again I wouldn’t trust the Toucan. You just can’t trust an addict. Dig 'Em, on the other hand, seems trustworthy and he always carried around that large spoon for freebasing in case you happen to have forgotten yours. How considerate of him.

16/3/08 03:15  

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