Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Is That A Banana In Your Pocket...

Or do you suffer from a priapism?

All those erectile dysfunction medication commercials warn that there are several side effects associated with taking their drug, such as blurred vision, headaches, indigestion, and painful erections that last four hours or more called priapsims.

Apparently, I may have had a priapism from age eleven to fourteen.

What else do we know about it though?

You may have heard the joke:

A man goes into a drugstore and up to a female pharmacist.
"Can I help you sir?" she says.
"Yes," answered the man. "What can you give me for a priapism?"
She responds "How about five hundred dollars in cash and part ownership of a drugstore?" (rimshot)

What you may not have heard is that the word priapism comes from the Greek god Priapus, known for his huge permanent erection.

In Greek mythology, Priapus is the protector of livestock, fruit plants, gardens and male genitalia.

Evidently statues of Priapus were common in ancient Greece and Rome, standing in gardens or at doorways and crossroads.

They would be set as guardians and were often hung with little signs that threatened sexual violence towards transgressors of the boundaries that the statue protected.

It was a quite literally a “Trespassers Will Be Violently Raped” sign.

The statues were of a bearded male figure wearing a conical hat.
The top part of the figure could be removed to reveal a giant phallus underneath. It has also been suggested that the modern garden gnome popular today is a descendant of Priapus.

Yuck, I’ll never look at the Travelocity Gnome the same again.

Well, if you ever need a boner or some tomatoes, now you know who to pray to and knowing is half the battle! G.I. Joe!


Blogger Season said...

I had no idea there was a Greek God with a permanent erection! This is quite hilarious! I want to get a sculpture of him and put it on our fireplace mantle! That would definitely bring many a conversation to our house.

19/3/08 18:47  
Blogger Lioux said...

Yes. Yes.

We're all familiar with Priapus.

Hmmm. Priapus Preoccupation®™©™ would make a really good band name.

And GO JOE!!!

20/3/08 06:58  
Anonymous Noelle said...

I just finished Bonk by Mary Roach, which is very funny and is about the science of sex. There's a whole chapter explaining how those ED drugs work. It's a very, very funny book, and I highly recommend. It will be out in April.

20/3/08 09:05  
Anonymous fidelio said...

Thanks for educating me on all things priapism.
You are a gentleman and a scholar sir!

I’m not coming over if you and Season start decorating the house with statues of wieners though.

20/3/08 09:18  
Blogger country roads said...

Man, the next time the travelocity gnome says "I'm on my way" I'm gonna hide.

20/3/08 09:37  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Season – Yeah, I am full of useless knowledge like that. About the sculpture, I don’t think it would match our current décor to well.

Lioux – I apologize that this post wasn’t as educational for you. I’d only use Priapus Preoccupation if I was really hard up for a band name. (pun intended)

Noelle – Thanks! I am always looking for something new to read. I am currently reading Philip K. Dick’s (how appropriate) VALIS.

Mason – I was glad to share that information with you.
I am sure it will come in handy. I wouldn’t want you to feel inadequate when you come over, so we’ll place the sculpture in the closet until your gone.

Country Roads – Puts him in a whole new light, right?
I knew there was something not right about that freakin’ gnome.

20/3/08 09:45  
Anonymous Sharp As A Marble said...

That's a lot of information about priapsims! You've got way too much time on your hands!

20/3/08 12:22  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

SAAM - Sharing and spreading information, that's what this blog is all about. As for having way too much time on my hands...if only that were so my friend.

20/3/08 13:06  
Blogger Season said...

Okay I just looked at that link with the picture of Priapus and it is disgusting!

20/3/08 14:06  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Season - I guess you changed your mind about having that statue on our mantle huh?

20/3/08 14:36  
Blogger Terry said...

BUT, you forgot the part where Priapus attempted to rape one of the goddesses and was punished by the other god's and given an oversized set of wooden balls, therefore rendering his attributes useless..... Geez, I thought you were here to enlighten the people..... heh heh

20/3/08 17:32  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Terry - Nope, I didn’t forget the omission was intentional. First, because depending on the source there are a couple of differing legends concerning Priapus and his genitalia and secondly...ewww!
I hope that was enlightening. ;)

20/3/08 17:56  

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