Wednesday, April 11, 2007

No Holds Barred...

Yesterday's post has gotten me thinking about changing my career.

How about professional wrestler?

If I ever became a professional wrestler, I think I would use the name Agent Orange. Right off the bat, I have a name that is familiar and inspires fear...and you already have an idea of what color material I’ll use for my costume.

Like other wrestlers, I will have my own patented moves. I already thought of a few: The Flying Orange Wedge, The Orange Slice, The Orange Peel...I could use REM’s Orange Crush as my theme song.

I can see it now...

The lights in the auditorium are down, and then the PA system blasts the intro drum roll into the song and...boom! The fireworks go off as I strut down to the ring while talking to myself and slapping “high fives” with the occasional red neck...err, I mean fan.

As I enter the ring, I snatch the microphone from the trembling ring announcer. Then the roaring crowd falls quiet as I point toward my opponent and shout out my catch phrase -

“Come and get your dose of Vitamin C!”

Okay, so the catch phrase still needs a little work...but I think it could happen.

15 Comments:

Anonymous reverse_vampyr said...

I like the catch phrase! The Orange Crush can be your finishing move too. Remember the little people when you win the WWF title.

11/4/07 08:17  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Not to mention built in product endorsement of Orange Crush the orange-flavored soda.

Orange Crush's all natural flavor make it impossible to resist...Check please.

11/4/07 08:34  
Anonymous Sharp As A Marble said...

LOL! You could just use "I'm gonna crush you!" as the catch-phrase.

If I was to be a professional wrestler I'd go with the name Victor “The Constrictor”.

11/4/07 09:05  
Anonymous Frank The Crank said...

You'd have to do a lot to surpass Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka in my book...

11/4/07 09:26  
Blogger lioux said...

This is AWESOME!!!

Everything about it.

I LOVE the color orange AND old REM.

When you retire from wrestling you could develop your own hit reality series with your annoying family.

Orange Knows Best®™©™.

Hmmm.

11/4/07 09:56  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

I could start the show by turning around dramatically and then pointing at the folks out in television land saying: Orange You Glad to see me?!?!?

11/4/07 10:06  
Anonymous JumpMaster said...

Much love to the Vietnam Vets, but that was hilarious! Watch that red neck stuff though! LOL!

I'd just be JumpMaster as a wrestler. Decked out in red, white and blue with my jump boots on - kicking ass and taking names.

11/4/07 10:09  
Blogger lioux said...

OMG!!!

DF...I almost snarfed my coffee reading your comment about your opening scene.

11/4/07 10:26  
Anonymous kevin federline's ex-wife said...

I love me some rassalin' and I'm no damn red neck! LOL!

Maybe I can be your ring girl?

11/4/07 10:48  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Definitely not a snark to my brothers in arms JumpMaster. I've got a cgae line up for you though.

Lioux, you wouldn't want to have a coffee incident two days in a row.

Brit, my ring girl/manager is the lovely Season. ;)

11/4/07 11:32  
Anonymous Lethal_Dad said...

OK, I can see you as a wrestler but the name has to change. I was thinking The Cleaning Machine! I bet Mr Clean could be your sponsor! HAHA!

11/4/07 12:18  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Cleanliness is next to godliness. ;)

11/4/07 12:47  
Anonymous Tracy said...

I have nothing more to say as this discussion has obviously gone way off the deep end....LOL! I love it all, the name, the catch phrase, the TV show, all of it. Thank you for making me laugh today!

11/4/07 16:51  
Anonymous Season said...

This is most definitely one of your better ideas and it is very funny! I would so root for you if you became a wrestler.

11/4/07 19:32  
Anonymous fidelio said...

LMAO! We should be tag team partners!

Great video! I never realized that song was about the Army.

13/4/07 14:05  

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