Thursday, April 12, 2007

He Was What He Was...

Popeye, 78, of Sweethaven died on Plunder Island yesterday. Popeye was a famed merchant marine and spinach enthusiast whose real-life exploits became the subject of a King Features comic strip in 1929. The public’s love of the scrawny sailor with a heart of gold drew Popeye to Hollywood, where he played himself in hundreds of cartoons over the next six decades.

Not known for his mastery of grammar, he was renown for his many adventures...both on land and at sea. He first gained notoriety when he was hired by Castor Oyl to captain the “Tom Cod” on a mission to break the bank at a casino with the assistance of a magical hen. Perhaps his most personally rewarding crusade was when Popeye sailed out, in search of his long lost father, Poopdeck Pappy.

President Bush has authorized the USS Enterprise to transport Popeye’s ashes to the South Pacific for interment in the deep. The President stated that “Popeye has done more than anyone else in Hollywood, except maybe John Wayne, to promote the image of United States sailors.” The president also praised Popeye for promoting healthy eating habits.

Mourners at his memorial service included George W. Geezil, Harold Hamgravy, and Bluto, who tearfully eulogized, “He was a noble adversary. Our clashes were legendary. He died a warrior’s death.”

Popeye was killed after being ambushed by a gang of Goons sent by the evil Sea Hag. Normally strong to the finish, a recent recall on spinach left him defenseless against the henchmen. Neither J. Wellington Wimpy, nor Eugene the Jeep could revive the vanquished sailor.

Survivors include his wife of seventeen years, Olive Oyl and their adopted son, Scooner “Swee’Pea” Seawell.

In other news, novelist Kurt Vonnegut dies at 84...

12 Comments:

Blogger lioux said...

Ok.

First Vonnegut.

R.I.P.

Next Popeye.

R.I.P.

Who will be next?

And who will now run his restaurants?

What a truly tragic day.

12/4/07 10:22  
Anonymous reverse_vampyr said...

Two people of such notoriety dying in such close proximity...you know what they say – deaths come in threes. I suppose Swee'Pea is heir to the Popeye's Chicken franchise now.

12/4/07 10:28  
Blogger lioux said...

Poor 'Pea.

12/4/07 10:38  
Anonymous Frank The Crank said...

New Country Fried Steak=Yummy!

Who died again?

12/4/07 10:41  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

I didn't even think about Popeye's Chicken! Damn! I've only come across one since I've been in Texas. Red beans and rice...ooooh so nice.

I actually was looking for a book by Kurt Vonnegut at Half Price Books last weekend. It could have been my spidey senses tingling at his impending doom.

12/4/07 10:50  
Anonymous JumpMaster said...

Love that Popeye's Chicken! I hope he didn't take the secret recipe to the grave with him. Although it was probably something involving spinach.

12/4/07 10:55  
Anonymous alligator said...

He was what he was and that's all that he was...it speaks volumes doesn't it?

Oh, and Kurt Vonnegut will be missed to.

12/4/07 11:00  
Anonymous kevin federline's ex-wife said...

Popeye is freakin' dead?!?!? Seriously ya'll?!?!? This can't be happening! I just got out of rehab and I can't handle this. Who is that other fella? Was he a sailor too? That reminds me I wonder how Sailor Moon is doing...

12/4/07 11:08  
Blogger Jeff said...

His books have been some of my most cherished reading experiences. I'm really gonna miss Popeye.

12/4/07 13:28  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

I always wanted to get one of his books that I have signed. Now that's never going to happen...sad.

Popeye and Kurt Vonnegut together forever in heaven.

12/4/07 13:46  
Anonymous Your Amazing Woman said...

I know how much you liked Kurt Vonnegut's books. Maybe we can find one that is already signed for your birthday?

I love you!

13/4/07 12:10  
Anonymous fidelio said...

The Grim Reaper was one busy bastard yesterday...

13/4/07 13:56  

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