Friday, April 13, 2007

Happy Friday The 13th!

It's Friday the 13th and as a public service I have compiled a list of suggestions that I feel will keep you safe from harm...

Survival Tip #1: If you see a black cat, shoot it.
Better to be safe than sorry.

Survival Tip #2: Use up all your bad luck early.
You can only have so much bad luck in a single day, so just start trying to use your whole quota of it by lunch. Tempt fate through such activities as cleaning your toaster with a fork, picking a fight with a gorilla or cleaning your ears with a nail gun.

Survival Tip #3: Don't talk about Fight Club.
Even if you are a beautiful and unique snowflake, just don't.
Unless you want to end up as the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.

Survival Tip #4: Don't let the Jehovah's Witnesses in.
Sure, three hundred and sixty four days out of the year they seem like nice folks who just want to share their crackpot religious dogma and a cup of Kool-Aid with you...but each year on Friday the 13th, they fatten their ranks by kidnapping people and forcing them to watch Veggie Tales until they convert.

Survival Tip #5: Refuse to recognize that it's Friday the 13th.
In many skyscrapers, superstitious builders make the floors jump from twelve to fourteen to avoid the unlucky thirteenth floor. As soon as you wake up today, say, "Wow, what a lovely day February 14th is!

Survival Tip #6: Leave the Earth by close of business April 13, 2029.
Be gone before the Near-Earth asteroid 99942 Apophis smashes into our planet and destroys the world as we know it.

Now you've got to ask yourself one question:

"Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?

15 Comments:

Blogger Jeff said...

Thanks for Survival Tip #6. I was just planning on staying home that weekend.

13/4/07 09:30  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Well, now you know...And knowing is half the battle...G.I. Joe!

13/4/07 09:44  
Blogger lioux said...

I find all of these tips useful.

And [I hope] have used up all my bad luck early. I actually woke up late this morning because I thought it was Saturday. I was an hour late to Company, Inc.

Seriously.

13/4/07 09:46  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

I believe that does count...just to be safe though you better spill some coffee on your bosses crotch. Don't want anything bad to happen to you on your way home.

13/4/07 09:55  
Blogger lioux said...

Yes.

Something to consider.

13/4/07 10:05  
Anonymous Frank The Crank said...

Those pesky Jehovah's Witnesses don't come around my house anymore ever since I set the last groups heads on stakes on the front lawn they seem to no longer wish to save my soul.

13/4/07 10:20  
Anonymous reverse_vampyr said...

I don't think Friday The 13th can do me anymore harm than has already happened since I lost my job the other day, but thanks for the survival tips.

13/4/07 10:23  
Blogger lioux said...

BTW.

Siouxsie and the Banshees have an album called Superstition.

13/4/07 10:29  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

RV - I read about that on your blog, best of luck and hang in there.

13/4/07 10:29  
Anonymous reverse_vampyr said...

Thanks man. There is an opportunity that has presented itself, but I'm reluctant to sign on so quickly with another company so similar to my last. I could take this job to keep my paychecks and benefits coming while I continue to look for something better. I'll have to see.

13/4/07 10:33  
Anonymous JumpMaster said...

Friday The 13th got me early. I had a freakin' flat tire this morning! Almost was late to work too!

13/4/07 10:36  
Anonymous Sharp As A Marble said...

My condolences to all who are having bad luck. I hope nothing else bad happens to you.

Alberto, I love Survival Tip#3!

A bit of a conundrum though, by even mentioning survival tip number three haven’t you violated it?

13/4/07 12:43  
Anonymous Your Amazing Woman said...

I'm the thirteenth comment on your post about Friday the thirteenth! LOL! Thirteen is really a lucky number!

13/4/07 12:49  
Blogger Terry said...

I am a risk taker, I think I will linger until 2036.... Yes, I AM FEELING LUCKY!!

HOWDY!!

13/4/07 15:44  
Anonymous fidelio said...

Happy Friday the 13th!

Here's another survival tip: Stay away from badly serviced camp-sites where 7 foot tall psychopaths wearing hockey masks carry large machetes and a bit of a grudge.

13/4/07 16:15  

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