Friday, June 16, 2006

Seriously Ya’ll!

Britney Spears had the perfect opportunity for an image makeover, but failed miserably.

I'm guessing she probably was in the middle of doing laundry, vacuuming the house, and playing with little K-Fed Junior when Matt Lauer unexpectedly showed up with a camera crew.

That's the only explanation I can think of for why her hair extensions looked as if they had been brushed with a rake, the giant glob of mascara on her right fake eyelash, her boobs cascading out of that bad fitting top with her bra sticking out of the side, denim micro mini-skirt, and plastic flip-flops, while she smacked chewing gum. Did it seem like her whole out fit came from the Anna Nicole Smith/Wal-Mart Trailer Trash collection? Girl looked like she had not showered in days. Did anybody else notice this poster on her wall too?

Sad. However, my sadness slowly dissipated with every air quote that Britney used as the interview progressed. At first, I counted the air quotes...I think I had gotten to about six or seven in the first half hour, but then I gave I was completely dumbfounded by her inability to answer Lauer's questions - not for avoidance's sake, but instead, apparently without the ability to formulate coherent and cogent responses...she would start off okay, but then ramble off into oblivion.

Here are some of the poignant questions:

On why she loves her husband: "He's so simple"

I don't think simple even begins to describe that bum K-Fed.

On why she was driving down the Pacific Coast Highway with her five month old son in her lap: "I did it with my dad. I'd sit on his lap and I drive. We're country."

Right...because you're backwoods, swamp ass daddy let Baby Britney drive on a dirt road; you should let your five month old drive on PCH, one of the most dangerous highways in California. And you said you're husband was simple...

On the cruel treatment of the paparazzi: "They like to have the person they pick on. I feel like I'm a target."

Well you sure didn't mind being a target when you put that "reality show" on TV where you filmed all your private moments and whored them out for a big pay day. Was it so awful then when you cashed their checks?

The soft-ball interview still had her breaking down on queue. It was worse than those interviews that Michael Jackson did to try to prove he wasn't a disturbed child molesting freak. Can anyone say back-fire?

Anyway, I hope the paparazzi leaves her alone soon, because clearly she is not giving them ANYTHING to take note of. Seriously ya'll.


Anonymous Frank The Crank said...

Shaggy, Shania Twain, and Britney Spears are in a limo going to a restaurant. Someone farts and

Shaggy says,"Wasn''t me!".

Shania Twain says," That don''t impress me much."

Britney Spears says,"Oops, I did it again."

17/6/06 09:13  
Blogger Tracy said...

Are you serious, was that poster really on her wall ?? or was that just to add to your story ??

17/6/06 17:04  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

I'm serious. Every time they would cut over to Matt Lauer you could see something on the wall and if it's not that poster it really resembles it.

17/6/06 22:28  
Anonymous kevin federline's wife said...

Et tu, Alberto?

I had to let go my personal assistant, wardrobe person, hair stylist, make-up artist, and publicist because K-Fed already spent the entire royalty check for this month.

Yeah, he pays for everything out of his pocket…problem is his pocket is filled with my money!

I ain’t ever had to do all that stuff on my own so I did the best I could. Shoot, I don’t even know how to tie my own shoes; that’s why I wore those damn flip-flops. Ya’ll know I’d rather be bare foot, but folks raised a fuss when I did that too. Floor of that public bathroom was fine, lucky they didn’t see what I did when there was no toilet paper in the stall.

18/6/06 04:11  
Blogger Jenny said...

I don't think that it was, but it did bother me that one of the corners was slightly rolling up. I kept thinking that they put it there to cover a hole that K-fed punched in the wall. It was in a really awkward spot.

19/6/06 00:35  
Anonymous mre said...

She was cute when she was younger and seems like she was better spoken and coherent then too. You think it's K-Fed's influence that is making her this way or that in trying to "be herself" and rebel against the "nice girl" image that she was at first she has delved too far into the dark side now?

20/6/06 08:25  

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